Extreme Ghostbusters: Trapped!
by EGB Fan
Summary: The Ghostbusters, and Janine, find themselves trapped in a mysterious tower. With no idea where they are or why, all they can do is try to escape...


**Disclaimer: **_Extreme Ghostbusters_ © Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Fil Barlow and Columbia. _Trapped!_ © the British Broadcasting Corporation.

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**Trapped!**

It was a painfully slow day at the firehouse. Even on days when they had complained of having nothing to do, the Ghostbusters had never felt at quite such a loose end. So Garrett Miller said, "Let's watch a movie."

Someone turned the television on, and then suddenly they were in a rowing boat built for no more than seven people, being tossed over a tempestuous ocean. They were all there: the four younger Ghostbusters, Roland Jackson, Garrett Miller, Kylie Griffin and Eduardo Rivera; their boss Egon Spengler, and secretary Janine Melnitz. Only Slimer, their pet ghost, was missing - but someone else was there: a boy with wild hair, and scruffy clothes that looked like they had been cobbled together from other people's throwaways.

"Hey!" said Garrett, once he had steadied himself in the boat. He was no longer sitting in his wheelchair, but was glad to see that it was folded up and squashed between himself and Egon. "What the hell is going on here?"

The boy gave them a puzzled look, but didn't answer, and apparently no one else could think of anything to say. The boat ride was extremely bumpy, and they even encountered one or two sea monsters along the way, but fortunately it didn't last very long. They were soon in sight of a tiny island with apparently nothing on it except a tall, thin, rickety looking circular tower. The boy moored the boat on this island, and climbed out.

"Egon, what do we do?" said Kylie.

"It's difficult to know," said Egon. "I wish I had some equipment with me."

"Maybe we should just follow that guy and see what happens," said Roland.

Eduardo, hunched expressionlessly in one corner of the boat, scoffed. "Are you crazy? We could be anywhere, man. Let's just row back."

"Row _back_?" said Kylie. She nodded towards the wild, endless sea they had just survived to get there. "Does that look like the Atlantic Ocean to you? We don't even know how we got here! I'm with Roland."

"Me too," said Garrett.

"Me three," said Janine.

"All right," said Egon, and he started to climb out of the boat.

The boy who didn't speak had wandered off, but was soon back again glaring impatiently at them. Janine and the four Ghostbusters followed Egon out of the boat, Roland fussily helping Garrett with his wheelchair. They then followed the boy to a large cage. With its uneven, rusty bars it looked like a very crude attempt by somebody to make a birdcage, but it was easily big enough to fit six children inside it, and just about big enough for six adults. The boy opened the cage, and beckoned them inside.

"No way am I getting in that thing!" said Eduardo.

Egon looked at the cage, and then with his eyes followed the chain attached to the top of it. The chain led up to a wooden beam, on which perched a nasty looking vulture.

"It looks like he wants us to go to the top of the tower," said Egon.

"No way," said Eduardo.

"It might be better to stay outside," Roland said uncertainly.

"Come on, Roland, make up your mind," said Kylie. "_I_ want to know why we're here, so let's do as this guy says! Or indicates, anyway."

With that, she began walking towards the cage. Both sighing resignedly, Eduardo and Roland followed her, and the boy waited patiently for the other three.

"Egon?" said Garrett.

"Well," said Egon, "I don't see that we have much choice at this stage."

So Egon, Garrett and Janine joined Roland, Eduardo and Kylie in the cage. Then, as they had pretty much expected, the boy shut them in. Having done this he looked up, put two fingers into his mouth and whistled.

Just as the cage began to rise into the air, Janine said, "Wait a minute - how come we're wearing name badges?"

No one had an answer to this, and nor did they have time to think of one before a voice - a male voice with a northern English accent - sounded somewhere above them: "This team is from somewhere called 'New York'. There's Garrett, he has an irrational fear of for sale signs; Janine, who wants to be a toothbrush when she grows up; that's Egon, who has no belly button, and Kylie, who collects cheese sandwiches. That's Eduardo, he only talks to people called Bob; and Roland, who is Billy Shakespeare's dad."

"_What_?" said Garrett, just as the cage stopped moving and a wooden door into the tower fell open to make a bridge. "Ooh, that looks precarious!"

"Don't worry, Garrett, it will take the weight of your wheelchair," a sinister sounding female voice said directly into all of their ears, taking them by surprise.

"What the hell are these things on our ears?" Eduardo said suddenly, lifting his hand to a shell-like object attached to his right ear.

"Whisper clips," The Voice said. "As if you didn't know! Now, in you go."

"Come on," murmured Roland, venturing out onto the plank.

It was a precarious walk, and a very long way down if anyone should happen to fall, but they made it. Once that ordeal was over, they found themselves in a circular room with a low, straight wall built randomly in the middle of it. The bricks looked like they were made from some kind of foam, and most had holes in the very centre. A few more foam bricks were stacked at either side of the wall, but these ones had no holes.

"Floor six!" The Voice said into their whisper clips. "Snake Attack!"

Egon, Kylie, Eduardo, Roland and Garrett all stood silently, waiting for whatever was going to happen next. But Janine had something else to listen to.

"Janine," said The Voice. "Do not react. You are the saboteur."

Janine bit her lip, and tried not to react any more than that, as The Voice had ordered her. She didn't know what was going on, but it did not sound good.

"Your job," The Voice went on, "is to ensure that your team _fail_ this challenge! I will tell you which holes the snake is in. You must convince your team to choose the holes where the snake is hiding."

Janine had absolutely no idea what the woman was talking about, but no one else seemed to know what to do either, so it seemed safe enough not to act on the instructions just yet. And then The Voice spoke to all six of them.

"Unfortunates," she said. "This is Snake Attack. You must find a safe path across the wall. One of you must put your arm into the holes. If you find three safe holes, you will pass the challenge. However, hiding in the wall is a child-eating python. If you are bitten by the python three times, you fail the challenge!"

"There's no way we can get our arms in there," said Garrett. "Those holes look they were made for kids."

"I think I can get my arm in there," said Kylie. "Are we gonna play, Egon?"

"I think we'd better," said Egon, and as soon as he said this Kylie walked over to the wall. "We can only assume that completing these challenges is the way to escape."

"But _why_?" said Garrett.

"Hopefully we'll find out," said Egon.

"Let the challenge begin… now!" said The Voice.

In each column a few of the bricks did not have holes, and three did. Kylie stood by the first column and peered at the holes, saying irritably, "How the hell am I supposed to know where the snake's hiding?"

"I think we're meant to guess," said Roland.

"_What_?" squeaked Kylie. "That's completely unfair!"

"Janine," Janine heard in her whisper clip. "The snake is in the middle hole. You must convince your team to choose that one!"

"Try the top hole," Janine said at once.

"Why?" asked Kylie.

"Because you have to pick one of them."

"All right." Kylie slowly fed her arm into the hole in the wall, grimacing slightly, and braced herself for whatever was coming. But all that happened was a small tinkling noise, which gave her the impression she was all right.

"Janine, what are you doing?" hissed The Voice. "Do you want to be trapped? You have gained their trust, but you can't afford to let them choose another right hole! Quickly - this time the snake is in the bottom hole."

_Trapped?_ Janine thought frantically. She certainly didn't want to be trapped, so she said, "This time try the bottom hole."

"Sure, why not?" said Garrett.

"Yeah, try the bottom hole," agreed Roland.

"Good work, Janine!" The Voice cried gleefully.

Kylie stooped down and put her hand into the bottom hole. Then she yelped, and pulled it straight out again.

"Ooh, are you okay?" said Roland, wincing.

"I thought she said it was a _child_-eating python," said Kylie. Then she looked at her hand, and saw a tar-like substance on it. "Eww, it's crapped itself all over my hand!"

"I think that's supposed to be venom," said Garrett.

"But pythons aren't venomous," said Kylie. "Come to think of it, they don't bite either."

"Janine, tell them to get on with it!" said The Voice. "It's in the bottom hole again."

"Try the bottom hole again," Janine said weakly, not wanting to sabotage this baffling game, not least because she didn't know the consequences of doing so. But apparently the consequences of _not_ sabotaging it were very bad indeed.

"Are you sure?" said Kylie.

"How can I be?" said Janine. "But, y'know, it was the bottom hole last time…"

Kylie took a deep breath, and then put her arm into the bottom hole, up to the elbow. Then she gasped, and pulled it out again.

"This game is completely stupid!" she yelled.

"Good work, Janine," said The Voice. "This time it's in the middle hole."

"Try the middle hole this time," said Roland, almost sounding as though he was enjoying himself. "We haven't tried that one yet."

"You might as well, Kylie," said Egon.

Janine said nothing.

"All right," said Kylie, sounding far from all right.

"Well done, Janine!" crowed The Voice, as Kylie fed her arm into the hole where the snake was hiding.

"Challenge over!" The Voice said into all of their whisper clips, as Kylie yelped and pulled out her blackened hand. "You have failed miserably! You must now vote for who you think the saboteur was."

"Saboteur?" said Roland, startled.

"It seems one of us sabotaged the challenge," said Egon. "It must be part of the game."

"Some game!" Kylie said hotly, nursing her filthy and aching hand.

"Roland," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was, and why?"

"Um," Roland said uncomfortably. "I think the saboteur was Eduardo, because he let us pick the wrong holes and didn't say anything."

Eduardo scowled at him.

"Janine," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Eduardo," she said, the reason being that he already had one vote, and it might save her. "Because he wasn't joining in."

"Eduardo," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Janine," said Eduardo. "Because she kept picking all the wrong holes."

"Egon," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"Um." Egon looked blank. "I think it was Kylie, because she was very keen to be the one to stick her hand in the holes."

"I was not!" Kylie said indignantly.

"Why didn't you vote for Eduardo?" hissed Janine. "He already has two votes!"

"I'm sorry," Egon said helplessly.

"Silence!" said The Voice. "Kylie. Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Janine," said Kylie, "because she made a lot of suggestions."

"Garrett," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Janine," said Garrett, "because she made us trust her at the beginning, and then she picked two wrong holes."

"You have voted for Janine," said The Voice. "The saboteur was in fact…" She kept them waiting for an unnecessarily long time. "Janine. Janine, you sabotaged the challenge successfully, but you were detected, and therefore you will not be leaving this room. The others are now free to pass to the next floor."

"What?" said Egon. "Wait a minute!"

A trapdoor no one had noticed suddenly opened up in the floor. Eduardo made his way towards it, and Garrett and Roland followed him.

"We can't leave Janine here, Egon," said Kylie.

"I'll say you can't!" said Janine, and she began making her way towards the trapdoor. However, when she got close, an invisible force field blocked her path.

"Egon?" Kylie said desperately.

Egon spent a few seconds looking helplessly at Janine. But then his expression hardened, and he said, "We have to go on. We'll get you out of here later, Janine, I promise."

Janine looked annoyed, but didn't argue. Kylie went and dropped down the trapdoor, hoping it wasn't too long a fall, and Egon followed her.

"Janine," said The Voice. "How do you feel about being trapped?"

"_I'll _tell you how I feel about it, you crazy bitch! I feel - "

"Poor, unfortunate Janie," said The Voice. "You're trapped!"

.-.-.-.

"I don't like this game one little bit," said Roland, once they had all picked themselves up off the floor. "What does she want to trap us here for anyway?"

"All we can do is carry on and hope we find out," said Egon. "I suppose we should go and stand in those five booths over there."

"Floor five!" said The Voice. "Freaky Factory!"

The five booths were separated by tall partitions, and under these partitions ran a conveyer belt. At the back of each booth was a basket containing white, green and purple eggs the size of ordinary hens' eggs. Egon took the booth on the far left. Garrett took the next one, then Roland, then Kylie, and then Eduardo on the far right.

"Garrett," said The Voice. "Do not react. You are the saboteur. It is your job to ensure that the team do not have five egg boxes correctly filled by the end of ninety seconds. You can do this by smashing or stealing eggs, or mixing up the colours. But be careful! You don't want to get caught."

Garrett smiled to himself, glad that the others couldn't see him. There was obviously something sinister going on here, but he had to admit, it was kind of fun too.

"Unfortunates," said The Voice. "This is Freaky Factory. Your task is to fill five coloured egg boxes. You have ninety seconds in which to do it. If five boxes are not filled by the end of this time, you will fail. Let the challenge begin… now!"

A green egg box appeared on the conveyer belt in front of Egon. He picked up two green eggs and put them into it, feeling a little silly, and vainly trying to figure out what could be done about this situation. It seemed safe to assume that they were going to lose a member of their team on each floor of the tower, but surely at least one of them would escape. Until that happened, he didn't see what they could do. But if one of them got out, perhaps they could find someone to help them. There were obviously other people on that island besides The Voice. The boy from earlier seemed to be helping her, but there was still that person who had introduced them as though to a television audience.

Kylie, Roland and Eduardo, meanwhile, were getting nearly empty or wrongly filled egg boxes on the conveyer belt. Eduardo quickly realised that he was going to have to fill five boxes pretty much by himself. Either Kylie was the saboteur this time, or one of the others was, and she didn't have much time to help him fill the boxes correctly. He was taking two purple eggs out of a white box when an egg suddenly flew across the partition and smashed at his feet.

"Two boxes completed," an automated voice said.

"Brilliant, Garrett!" said The Voice. "But don't be too obvious. Try to think about who you can frame."

This time Garrett threw an egg to his left, and it flew into Egon's booth.

"Three boxes completed," said the automated voice. Then, "Five seconds."

_Yes!_ thought Garrett.

"Three… two… one…"

"Your time is up!" said The Voice. "You have failed miserably! It is now time to vote for who you think the saboteur was. Eduardo, who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Kylie," said Eduardo, "because it didn't look like she'd made any effort with the boxes that came through to me."

"Hey!" said Kylie. "I was working my ass off to put them right!"

"I have never played host to such an argumentative team of unfortunates," said The Voice. "Kylie, who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Roland," said Kylie, "because a lot of eggs were being thrown from his direction, and most of the boxes that came through from him were crap."

"Roland," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Garrett," said Roland, "because I kept seeing eggs flying out of his booth."

"Garrett," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

Garrett knew that it would be sensible to pick Roland or Kylie, as they already had one vote each, as did he. Voting for Eduardo or Egon would make it a tie between four of them, and Egon could then vote him out. Considering this, it seemed more sensible to vote for Roland, as he was only one booth away. He'd have been easier to spot.

"I think it was Roland because I, um… I heard him smashing eggs right next to me."

"Egon," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I really have no idea," said Egon. "Um… I think it was Garrett, because I'm interested in knowing what happens if there's a tie."

"Hey!" said Garrett.

"You have voted for Roland… and Garrett," said The Voice. "The vote is tied. Roland and Garrett, you must now draw straws."

Suddenly, Roland and Garrett found themselves at opposite sides of a small table. Roland was still on his feet. In front of them was a box with six straws in it, all sticking up out of little holes, all appearing different lengths.

"Whoever draws the short straw will not be leaving this room," The Voice told them. "Now choose!"

Garrett and Roland both reached for the box. Roland went for a straw that appeared short, thinking it was trying to fool him, but when he pulled it out he found it to be very small indeed. Garrett went for a middle-sized straw, which was longer than Roland's.

"Roland," said The Voice. "You have drawn the short straw. That means that you will not be leaving this room."

Garrett let out a sigh of relief. He had got away with it.

"I can now reveal that the saboteur," said The Voice, "was in fact… Garrett."

Roland stared at Garrett, appalled. Garrett grinned back at him.

"Garrett," said The Voice, "you are free to proceed with the others."

Garrett made his way over to the trapdoor that had just opened, leaving Roland to rot in that room, as far as anyone knew.

"Roland," said The Voice. "How do you feel about being trapped?"

"Furious," said Roland. "This game is completely unfair!"

Apparently The Voice was not interested in his answer to her question, as all she said next was, "Poor, unfortunate Roland. You're trapped!"

.-.-.-.

"Egon, we gotta _do_ something about this!" said Eduardo, as once again they all picked themselves up off the floor. "One of us is gonna get left behind on every floor. What if _none_ of us gets outta here?"

"It seems logical to assume that one of us will," said Egon, "or what ever is the point in playing the game?"

"How do we know Roland and Janine aren't dead?" Eduardo persisted.

"Shut up, Eduardo," said Kylie.

"Eduardo, we know nothing about whatever is going on here," said Egon. "Let's just play the game, and assume nothing. Look, I think we're supposed to sit on those benches over there by those, um… plants, are they?"

They were in what looked very much like a greenhouse, and surrounded by large and lethal looking flora. Two wooden benches jutted out from a particular plot in the centre of the room, which contained two large flowers. One of these looked healthy, and the other very sickly. Between the two benches were some huge sacks full of thumbnail-sized seeds, and a tiny long-legged table with a magnifying glass positioned over it.

"Floor four!" The Voice announced. "Feed Me Lies!"

The four Ghostbusters wandered over to the benches and sat down. Egon sat on the bench to the right, next to the sickly plant. Garrett pulled himself out of his chair and sat down next to him. Kylie sat next to the healthy looking plant, and Eduardo took a seat on her right. Then they all stared at each other, wondering who would be the saboteur.

"Egon," said The Voice. "Do not react. You are the saboteur. Your job is to make sure that your team fail this challenge! I will tell you which statements are lies, and which are the truth. It's up to you to persuade your team to feed the plants with the wrong seeds!"

Egon had no idea what any of this meant, but he knew that an explanation was coming.

"Unfortunates," said The Voice. "This is Feed Me Lies. Each of the seeds in front of you contains a statement. Put it under the magnifying glass, and Phyllis will read it out. Some of the statements are true, and some are lies. Phyllis likes to be fed the truth, but Madge only likes lies. Feed the plants with three correct seeds, and you will win the challenge. Feed them with three _wrong_ seeds, however, and you will fail. Let the challenge begin… now!"

"Hello there, children!" a bright, cheerful voice said, and when the Ghostbusters looked at the two plants, they saw that it was the healthy one talking to them. "Kylie, my dear, would you pop a seed under the magnifying glass there?"

Kylie stood up, took a seed from the bag and placed it under the magnifying glass. The plant, Phyllis, leant over and seemed to read something from the seed.

"Let's see now. Sharks can never rest. Well, what do you think?"

She looked from one member of the team to the others, somehow wearing a curious expression, though she had no real facial features. Her petals flapped to resemble a mouth when she talked, but when she was silent they hardly knew it was there.

"Egon, it's true!" said The Voice. "Convince them it's a lie!"

"I believe that's a lie," said Egon.

Kylie looked at him. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," said Egon. "Everything in the animal kingdom has to sleep. It's a lie."

"All right," Kylie said dubiously. She stood up, picked up the seed under the magnifying glass and offered it to the unhealthy plant, Madge. The plant took it, chewed, and then spat the seed out disgustedly.

"Brilliant, Egon!" said The Voice, but Egon knew he hadn't been brilliant at all. All three of the younger Ghostbusters were looking at him suspiciously.

"Oh dear, you've wasted the truth on her!" said Phyllis. "Well, let's try another one."

Egon stood up, and placed another seed under the magnifying glass.

"Spiders have eight ears," Phyllis read.

"Egon, that's a lie!" said The Voice, though of course he knew this as well as he had known the answer to the shark question. "Convince them it's true!"

"That's correct, they do," Egon said desperately.

"Egon, come on, even _I_ know that's not true," said Garrett. "They have eight legs and eight eyes. They do _not_ have eight ears."

"That's right, they don't," said Kylie. She got to her feet again, and fed the seed to Madge. This time she gulped it down easily.

"There, Madge - you liked that one, didn't you, dear?" said Phyllis.

"Egon, they do not trust you!" cried The Voice. "Can you regain their trust?"

Kylie put another seed under the magnifying glass, and Phyllis read out the statement: "The duck-billed platypus is a bird. Well, kiddie-winks, what do we think?"

"No friggin' way," said Garrett.

"He's right, Egon!" said The Voice. "Try to change his mind!"

Egon shook his head helplessly as Kylie fed the seed to a very appreciative Madge. This, he knew, was never going to work.

"Oh, well done!" said Phyllis. "Another seed, please?"

Kylie repeated the process.

"The peanut is not actually a nut," said Phyllis.

Egon went for one last desperate attempt: "Well of course the peanut is a nut!"

"Egon," said Kylie. "You and I both know that's not true."

Again she stood up, and this time fed the seed to Phyllis.

"Mmmm, delicious truth!" said Phyllis, chomping happily on the seed. "Thank you!"

"Challenge over," The Voice said bitterly. "You have passed. You must now vote for who you think the saboteur was. Eduardo, who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I _know_ it was Egon," said Eduardo. "He knows all that stuff - he's a scientist."

"Kylie," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

Kylie was silent for a moment. She looked at Egon, and then she looked at Eduardo. "I think the saboteur was Eduardo."

"_What_?" said Eduardo.

"Because he didn't say anything during that whole challenge."

"Egon," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Eduardo," said Egon, "because he, um… kept looking uncomfortable."

"I _am_ uncomfortable," Eduardo muttered.

"Garrett," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Eduardo," said Garrett. "Uh… just a hunch."

Eduardo glared at him, knowing full well that he didn't really think that at all.

"You have voted for Eduardo," said The Voice. "The saboteur was in fact… Egon. Egon, you were undetected, but you failed miserably to sabotage the challenge. This means that you are automatically trapped. You will not be leaving this room."

"_What_?" shrieked Kylie. "Hey, wait a minute!"

"The others," The Voice said loudly, "are free to proceed to the next floor."

Another trapdoor opened up, and Eduardo and Garrett headed straight for it.

"What'll we do now, Egon?" said Kylie.

"Kylie!" said The Voice. "I said you are free to proceed!"

Kylie stood up and made her way slowly towards the trapdoor, feeling utterly deflated.

"Egon," said The Voice. "How do you feel about being trapped?"

"I feel most perturbed," said Egon.

"Poor, unfortunate Egon," crowed The Voice. "You're trapped!"

.-.-.-.

"Well," said Garrett, "I guess that makes sense. If whoever we vote for is trapped whatever happens, then what's the point of trying to win the challenge?"

"This is terrible!" said Kylie. "How could we let our best hope of getting out of here be trapped? We should have deliberately failed the challenge!"

"And voted _me_ off?" said Eduardo. "Thanks a bunch!"

"_You're_ the least valuable of the lot of us!" Kylie said hotly. "What would you do if you _did_ get out?"

"Well, what would _you_ do if _you_ got out?"

"I'd think of something."

"Meaning I wouldn't?"

"That was the clear implication."

"Hey, guys!" said Garrett. "Come on, we're in this together - and this challenge looks like a nasty one."

"Floor three!" The Voice said. "Extraction!"

This time they were in what was very obviously a dental surgery, and there was a patient in the chair. A pair of large, hairy and toothy jaws was being held open with a kind of metal brace, while the rest of the creature's face and its body were covered with a large blood-stained sheet. There was a table by the chair, with a kidney bowl on it.

"Kylie," said The Voice. "Do not react. You are the saboteur. It is your job to ensure that the team pull three good teeth from the werewolf's mouth before they pull out three rotten ones. The good teeth are the ones with two points. Persuade them to pull out two-pointed teeth, but don't be too obvious! You don't want them to suspect you."

_Obviously not_, thought Kylie, interested to learn exactly what being the saboteur involved, and wondering how much more The Voice was going to state the obvious. It occurred to her that this challenge would be easier to sabotage than Feed Me Lies, or even Snake Attack. The teeth were all different shades of white, yellow and black, some with nasty looking veins visible on them. If the double-pointed teeth had not been pointed out to her, she didn't think she would have noticed the points as a real difference.

"Unfortunates," said The Voice. "This is Extraction. Your task is to pull three rotten teeth out of the werewolf's mouth, and avoid pulling out three healthy ones. If you pull out a good tooth, the werewolf will scream and roar in pain."

"Well," said Garrett, "you would, wouldn't you?"

"Let the challenge begin… now!"

All three of them stared blankly into the werewolf's mouth. The beast moved his head a little, and made an impatient grunting noise.

"Well," Garrett said uncertainly, "it's tempting to go for a white one."

"But that could be a double bluff," said Kylie, hoping to keep the others' attention on the colour of the teeth.

"Or a triple bluff," said Garrett. "In which case we _should_ go for a white one."

"Oh, just pick one!" said Eduardo.

"All right," said Kylie, reaching tentatively for the mouth. The werewolf's jaws were wired open, so it couldn't bite her, but it was nerve-wracking all the same. "I'll go for a white one. Agreed?"

"Yes," said Garrett.

She went for a double-pointed, shiny white tooth. She pulled it out easily, and the werewolf began to scream and writhe in pain. Even though she had been expecting it, Kylie leapt back and even let out a little shriek. That was one scary werewolf, and she had just pulled out its tooth. She hoped her reaction would make the others trust her.

"Good, Kylie!" said The Voice. "Keep their focus on the colours."

"All right," said Garrett, as Kylie dropped the healthy tooth into the kidney bowl. "A yellow one this time?"

"Come on, Eduardo, join in," said Kylie, almost forgetting about Egon being trapped on the floor above. It _was_ kind of fun, playing The Voice's game. "A yellow one next?"

Eduardo shrugged. "All right."

"I'll get it," said Garrett, and he went for a tooth.

"Kylie, he's going for a bad tooth!" cried The Voice.

Kylie kept quiet, and let him do it. When Garrett pulled the tooth, the werewolf made a small noise, but it sounded more like relief than pain. Garrett breathed out, and Kylie with him, but Eduardo didn't seem to care.

"Okay," said Garrett. "Another yellow one?"

"Yes, definitely," said Kylie.

"That one?"

Kylie looked at the tooth he was pointing at. It had a huge red vein running through it, and looked very unhealthy indeed. But it had two points.

"Sure," she said coolly.

Garrett reached in and pulled the tooth. As Kylie expected, the werewolf began to writhe and scream again.

"Damn it!" said Garrett, as he dropped the tooth into the kidney bowl.

"Well," said Eduardo, "colour is obviously irrelevant."

"It's random," said Kylie. "We could try a black one next - see what happens?"

"Sure, why the hell not?" said Garrett, and he and Kylie began um-ing and ah-ing over which tooth to pull next. Kylie had a two-pointed black tooth in her sights, but she tried not to look at it too hard.

"That one?" said Garrett, pointing at the very tooth.

"That's lucky, Kylie, he wants to pull a good tooth," said The Voice. "Agree with him."

It was so tempting to yell, "I was just about to!", but obviously that would have been a stupid thing to do.

"Okay," said Kylie. "Why don't you get it, Eduardo? You really haven't been getting involved with these games."

"Oh, all right," Eduardo said expressionlessly. "That one?"

He was pointing at a single-pointed tooth. Kylie panicked slightly, but fortunately for her, Garrett said, "No, _that_ one. Pay attention, Eddie."

Eduardo reached into the mouth and pulled out the tooth. Again, the werewolf began to roar and writhe around in the chair.

"Challenge over!" said The Voice. "You have failed miserably!"

"This game," said Garrett, "is completely unfair and completely impossible!"

"It is now time to vote for who you think the saboteur was," said The Voice. "Garrett. Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Kylie," said Garrett, "because she was making a very big show of not being sure which teeth to pull."

Kylie tried to look natural, wondering if Eduardo shared Garrett's opinion. Maybe she _had_ been a little over casual.

"Kylie," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Garrett," said Kylie, giving Eduardo the chance to gang up on Garrett with her, "because he was so sure of which tooth he wanted Eduardo to pull at the end."

"Eduardo," said The Voice. "Who do you think the saboteur was?"

"I think it was Garrett," said Eduardo, "because he made all the suggestions."

Kylie celebrated silently as Garrett muttered, almost inaudibly, "Because you wanna get Kylie on her own on the second floor, more like."

Eduardo and Kylie could both guess how annoyed Garrett was. He was so competitive, the focus for him was probably more on winning than on trying to free his friends.

"You have voted for Garrett," said The Voice. "The saboteur was in fact… Kylie."

Kylie felt herself grinning, and quietly derided herself for getting caught up in the game and forgetting the danger.

"No way!" said Eduardo. "But Garrett was acting so much more suspicious!"

"Mmm, give that girl an Oscar," Kylie heard herself saying, to her disgust.

"Kylie and Eduardo," said The Voice, "you are free to proceed to the next floor."

They went, Kylie still trying to wipe the grin off her face.

"Garrett," said The Voice. "How do you feel about being trapped?"

"Bummed," said Garrett. "I want to know how you decide who gets to leave out of the two of them. I mean, you can't do the sabotage thing again, can you?"

"Poor, unfortunate Garrett," said The Voice, not bothering to respond to his statement any more than she had the others'. "You're trapped!"

.-.-.-.

The trapdoor on floor two was immediately noticeable. It was the only thing in the room besides a shiny, golden key suspended just above it. Eduardo and Kylie were standing on opposite sides of the trapdoor, face to face.

"Okay," said Kylie, "so there's the key. I guess one of us will be escaping soon."

"What's to stop us both making a run for it?" said Eduardo.

Kylie scowled at him. "How dumb _are_ you? You saw what happened when Janine tried to leave floor six. Only one of us can get out, and there's sure to be some kind of test to decide who. I wonder how we do this. We can't do the usual thing of - "

"Floor two!" The Voice cut her off. "One Way Out!"

Kylie began to chew nervously on her bottom lip, not looking Eduardo in the eye, while he stared at her across the short distance.

"Ky," he said. "If I don't see you again…"

"You will."

That was that, then. Eduardo fell silent, and awaited instructions from The Voice.

"Unfortunates," she said. "This is your fight for freedom. Only one of you can escape, and for that you will need the key to the tower. I will ask you questions in turn. Whoever has the most right answers at the end of sixty seconds can take the key and go."

"_More_ right answers," said Kylie.

"What?" said The Voice.

"There's two of us. Most right answers isn't correct grammar - it's _more_ right answers."

"Silence!" said The Voice, sounding riled.

"Don't annoy her, Ky," hissed Eduardo.

"What can she do?" said Kylie. "If she's going to play by her own rules, I'll be out of here in no time, and then I can get the rest of you out too."

Eduardo scowled at her. "What makes you so sure you'll win?"

"Hello? It's a quiz!"

"Let's see how much of today's challenges you remember," said The Voice.

"Oh," said Kylie. "Well, that shouldn't be too much trouble."

"For you _or_ me," Eduardo said pointedly.

"Your sixty seconds start now," said The Voice. "Eduardo, who is trapped on floor six?"

"Janine," Eduardo said at once.

"Correct. Kylie, what challenge was played on floor four?"

"Um, ah…" Kylie struggled to remember the name of the challenge. "Feed Me Lies."

"Correct. Eduardo, how many unfortunates played Freaky Factory?"

"Five," said Eduardo.

"Correct. Kylie, how many teeth were pulled out in Extraction?"

"Ooh…" Kylie took a moment to think. "Four."

"Correct. Eduardo, what are the names of the two plants in Feed Me Lies?"

Eduardo took a moment to remember, and then said hastily, "Phyllis and Madge."

"Correct. Kylie, how many holes were in the wall in Snake Attack?"

"What? How the hell should I know?"

"The answer is eighteen. Eduardo, what three colours were the eggs in Freaky Factory?"

"White, purple and green," said Eduardo.

"Correct. Kylie, who was voted the saboteur in Feed Me Lies?"

"Eduardo," said Kylie.

"Correct. Eduardo, who was the saboteur in Extraction?"

"Kylie," said Eduardo.

"Correct. Your time is up!" The Voice announced. "At the end of sixty seconds Kylie has three correct answers, and Eduardo has five."

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Kylie. "He got one more question than me! Even if I'd got that impossible one about the wall right, he would have - "

"Eduardo, you are free to leave the tower," said The Voice. "Take the key and leave the tower… before I change my mind."

Eduardo looked ruefully at Kylie, then reached out and wrapped his hand around the key.

"Eduardo," said Kylie.

"Yeah?"

"What were you going to say… when you thought you might never see me again?"

"Have a little faith, Kylie," he said, sounding hurt. "I'll get you out of here, I promise."

With that he took the key and stepped into the open trapdoor.

"Kylie," said The Voice. "How do you feel about being trapped?"

"Well," said Kylie, "as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, that game is even more unfair than the others. What if both people get all their questions right? The one who goes first is under a huge advantage. Oh yeah, and another thing. Eduardo always had more chance of getting here than the rest of us, because he was never the saboteur. The saboteur has to make sure the challenge fails, _and_ be undetected - it's hard work!"

"Poor, unfortunate Kylie," said The Voice. "You're trapped!"

.-.-.-.

Eduardo, meanwhile, found himself sliding down a kind of chute to a door that opened just as he reached it and spat him out onto lush green grass. The key was apparently symbolic, as he hadn't actually had to use it to get out. He stood up, stuffed the key into his pocket and looked around him.

It was now a beautiful, sunny day, unlike when they had arrived. When Eduardo looked to his right, he could see a path that led to the firehouse; it was just sitting there waiting for him. But he wasn't going to use that path - it would be far stupider than he was capable of being. He looked to his left, and saw the boy from before climbing into his rowing boat. With nothing else to do, Eduardo ran towards him shouting, "Hey, kid!"

The boy turned and stared at him.

"I need to talk to you," said Eduardo.

The boy continued to stare at him for a moment. Then, after an obvious inner struggle, he finally managed to say, "I'm not supposed to talk to unfortunates."

Like every other voice Eduardo had heard in that place, this one spoke with an English accent, but it seemed safe to assume that this island was not in the English Channel.

"I have to get my friends out of there," said Eduardo.

"No you don't!" said the boy, clearly amazed. "Don't be stupid! They're trapped, and you're free to go. You're supposed to look up at the tower, wave to your friends and then go home. Look, there's your path," and he pointed.

Eduardo turned round and, for the first time, looked up at the tower. He could see the faces of Janine, Roland, Garrett and Kylie in the windows. He could just about see Egon too, but he had his back to the window, and looked rather like he was talking to someone - presumably Phyllis and Madge. Eduardo looked at Kylie, squinting at her face and trying to see hope. Did she really not trust him to free her? He turned back to the boy.

"I can't leave them," he said.

"Look, I don't have time for this. I have to go and get the next group of unfortunates. It's no good complaining now - you knew the rules of the game when you came here."

"No," said Eduardo, "we didn't."

"Well it was pretty stupid of you to come and play, then, wasn't it?"

"We never wanted to!"

"What? Wait a minute," said the boy. "You mean you didn't say Wiley Sneak to your television three times?"

Eduardo looked blankly at him. "Why would I say Wiley Sneak to my TV three times?"

"Because you wanted to come and play the game."

"We did not want to come and play the goddamn game!"

"Oh," said the boy. "But I was called to get you. One of your friends must have - "

"No! Dude, who the hell are you, anyway?"

"_I'm_ Wiley Sneak," said the boy. "That's my name. I'm an unfortunate too - I've been trapped here for over a hundred years."

"You're kidding!" said Eduardo. "You don't look a day over twenty!"

"I'm twelve," said Wiley Sneak. "Look… I don't know what to say. Your friends could always start working for The Voice - she's promised to let _me_ go if I help her to trap unfortunates. And the Caretaker too."

"But you've been here over a hundred years, right?" said Eduardo.

"Yes," said Wiley Sneak. Then he grinned, and added, "Can't be much longer now."

"And this Caretaker has been here since…?"

"Sixteen oh-four, I think."

"Right," said Eduardo, "well, is there anyone I can talk to about getting my friends out of here today? Because we _definitely_ didn't want to come and play this game - it's sick."

"Well," said Wiley Sneak, "The Voice is in charge here, but she's evil - I don't think you'll get very far talking to her. Perhaps you'd better ask the Caretaker."

"Okay, cool. And he's… where?"

"In the roof."

"Oh, great."

"Look," said Wiley Sneak, "I really need to go and fetch the next lot of unfortunates, but I can attract the Caretaker's attention for you first if you like. Then maybe he'll crank you up in the cage, and you can climb onto that beam with the vulture and talk to him."

Eduardo hesitated. It didn't sound an attractive prospect, but it was the only vague hint of a plan he had. Remembering his promise to Kylie, he nodded and said, "Okay."

Wiley Sneak went and stood by the empty cage, put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. Eduardo stood next to him and looked up. Within moments, a face too far away to see clearly popped out of a window in the roof.

"'Ere, what's going on?" said the voice that had earlier talked nonsense about Eduardo and his friends while they were in the cage. "There's no team of unfortunates down there! Oi, what are you doing, sonny? You're free to go!"

By this time, Wiley Sneak had wandered off and got into his boat. It was up to Eduardo now to get the Caretaker on his side, or he would be alone again.

"There's been a mistake!" he called. "That kid said I should talk to you!"

"I'm not in charge here, lad!"

"Please just let me come up there! The kid said you'd help me!"

"Come up?" the Caretaker shouted back down. "After going to all that trouble to get down? Eee, you kids today - you're barmy! All right then, get in the cage. But badness knows what the mistress is going to say about this! It's more than my freedom's worth!"

Feeling somewhat relieved, Eduardo got into the cage and was elevated up to the sixth floor. Next came the tricky business of climbing up to the top of the cage and onto the beam with the vulture, and making his way to the roof of the tower. It was a nerve-wracking business, but Eduardo remembered not to look down and to try not to think about the vulture. He was very aware of it behind him, but it didn't seem to want to harm him, so he was able to concentrate on the final ordeal of dangling from the beam and dropping into the open window just below it.

Eduardo hadn't time to take in his new surroundings before the Caretaker came charging towards him, saying, "Now then, lad, what's this about?"

His face was hard to place, even for a Ghostbuster. This character looked almost human, but his skin was brown and saggy, and his earlobes hung down to his shoulders. He also wore a leather cap that added beautifully to the whole brown, droopy look.

"Um…" Eduardo was finding it hard to concentrate. He looked around him, and saw what was basically a lot of mess. "You live here?"

"Not by choice," said the Caretaker. "I came here for a nap hundreds of years ago, and The Voice" - he jerked his head towards the ceiling - "caught me. I've been trapped here ever since. She's promised to let me go, but only if I help her trap as many unfortunates as possible. I've never seen her, but you can always hear her, whispering in your noise-hole," and he waggled his fingers at his overlarge ears.

"Yeah, I know all that," said Eduardo. "Why does she want to - what the hell is that?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he had spotted a large glass tank. He went over to it, and saw that inside was a perfect replica of the tower. It also contained a perfect replica of the sea thrashing around it, and several crows flying back and forth.

"That's my watch tank," the Caretaker said proudly. "So's I can see everything that's going on."

"Dude, this whole place is sick. Oh my God - that's Wiley Sneak in his boat!"

"That's right," said the Caretaker. "I can see everything in that thing, I can."

"So why does Wiley Sneak have to whistle when it's time for you to crank up the cage?"

"Because I wants to be sure they're really ready, don't I? Look, what's this about? The Voice will never let you go now, you know. Eee, but she's a cruel mistress!"

"I noticed," Eduardo said dryly. "Dude, what _is_ this place? Why does she do it?"

"I don't rightly know," said the Caretaker. "She's just a nasty piece of work, I suppose."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Well, sonny, you've been talking to her all day, haven't you? Or listening to her, at least. And she can hear you, you know. She can always hear you. She'll know you're up here, my lad."

"Then she knows I want to talk to her."

"Aye. But she doesn't want to talk back, it would seem."

"This is crazy!" said Eduardo. "We never even wanted to come here!"

"What? You mean you didn't - "

"No, none of us said Wiley Sneak to our TV three times. Hey, why the TV? It's normally the mirror - you know, Candyman and Bloody Mary and stuff."

"Eee, I don't think I wants to hear about no candy man," the Caretaker said distastefully. "But I like the sound of Bloody Mary. She sounds like just my type."

"You haven't answered my question."

"Eh? Oh, right, why the goggle-box. Well, a lot of the unfortunates what comes here is kiddies who have seen how the game is played on TV, and want to have a go themselves. This is a remote island with nothing for miles around - how else is the mistress supposed to get people here?"

"So… this is just a TV game show?"

"Certainly not, son. This is as real as it gets. Just some people likes to watch it on TV."

"And they come here by choice?"

"They knows the consequences."

"Yeah, well, we _didn't_ know the consequences. I at least want to know why we're here. Is that too much to ask?" he said loudly, looking at the ceiling.

"I'm not falling for it," The Voice said suddenly, in his whisper clip. "Of course you wanted to come here. You wanted to play the game."

"No!" Eduardo said desperately. "We didn't want to come here and play your sick game! Why do you think we did?"

"I was told."

"Who by?"

"Well your father, of course!"

This stumped Eduardo completely. He stood in silence for a long time, staring at the ceiling. Then finally he said, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," The Voice said impatiently. "He said that you four, and his brother - _your_ uncle - and his wife, wanted to come and play my game."

"My uncle and his… you mean Egon? Lady, he ain't my uncle. And he's not married to Janine either."

There was a pause. Then, "Are you telling me the truth?"

"Yes!"

"So the other three… they are not your brothers and sister?"

"Uh… you _have_ seen us, right?" said Eduardo. "Do we _look_ like we're related?"

"Well," said The Voice, "that did occur to me, but I didn't like to ask. I just assumed you all had different mothers."

"We all have different fathers too! My father is dead, okay? Roland's father lives with him and his mom. Kylie's got some weird older man complex because _her_ father isn't around much. And Garrett… I don't know, I don't hear about his father, but I really don't think he's come here and told you we wanted to play this dumb game! Hey, why do you do it, anyway? It's not _really_ just a game, is it? There's more to it. You must have some kind of reason for wanting to trap all these people."

"No," said The Voice. "It's just a game."

"Dude, why the hell would anyone play?"

"Because it's fun. You had fun, didn't you?"

"Well yeah, kinda, but… oh, never mind! Who's this guy who says he's our father?"

"A man I met," The Voice said airily. "It gets very lonely up here sometimes, trapping unfortunates by myself. And then he turned up, and… well, things went on from there."

"So he's your boyfriend?"

"Well, yes, you could say that."

"What's his name?"

"Edward. He told me you were named after him."

"Where is he now?"

"He's having a bath. I'll have a word with him about this, don't you worry. I'm cutting you off for a bit. Just wait there!"

"But can't you just…? Damn it!" said Eduardo. "Okay. There's _got_ to be a way I can get myself and my friends out of here. Hey… what's your name?"

"Caretaker," said the Caretaker.

"What, just Caretaker? C'mon, man, that's stupid."

"Well," said the Caretaker, "I may have had a name hundreds of years ago, but I'm damned if I can remember it. No one calls my by it up here, you see."

"Okay, well, there's gotta be something in all this junk I can use to escape. Don't you have a rope ladder or anything?"

"Maybe, but then what? You need The Voice's magic to get out of here, my lad. You could have gone home, but you're trapped now, and your friends always have been."

"So," said Eduardo, "the only way we're getting out is if she cooperates?"

"Eee, you're quick."

"Well… can I at least get down far enough to talk to Egon?"

"Egon, eh?" said the Caretaker. "Where's he again?"

"Floor four."

"Well, the trapdoors are all jammed tight until the next lot of unfortunates turns up, but you could get back in the cage and I can crank you down again."

"Okay, whatever. Let's do it."

Once again, Eduardo had to climb out onto the wooden beam and make his way across to the cage. It was even more nerve-wracking the second time, but he managed it, and shouted to the Caretaker when he was ready to go down.

The Caretaker lowered him to floor four, where Eduardo opened the cage and reached out to bang on the window. Egon then appeared, opened the window and helped him inside.

"We can open the windows, then," Eduardo said.

"Yes, but it doesn't do us much good," said Egon. "I've been having a very interesting conversation with Phyllis."

"Oh, I say, one of the unfortunates has come back through the window!" Phyllis remarked. "What an odd thing to do. Hello, young man! I don't suppose you want to put another seed under the microscope? I only had one, you know - I'm awfully hungry."

"In a minute, Phyllis, we're busy," said Egon. "Eduardo, Phyllis told me that even if we did escape, there's no way to leave the island without The Voice's blessing - not unless we want to drown or be eaten by sea monsters. The Voice is the woman who - "

"I know all this," said Eduardo. "I've been talking to the Caretaker."

"Oh, I see. I take it you're the one who escaped."

"Yes."

"Who was the saboteur on floor three?"

"Kylie, but we voted for Garrett. Look… I had a conversation with The Voice. She said some guy called Edward claimed he was our father and your brother and told her we wanted to come and play the game."

"And The Voice believed him?" said Egon. "Eduardo… not to be rude, but none of you four look related. Maybe Kylie and Garrett at a pinch, but…"

"Yeah, well, it sounds like she's really into this guy. Who do you think it could be?"

"Well," Egon said gravely, "we _do_ know an Edward."

When asked later, Eduardo would say he was on the cusp of remembering, but he hadn't time to put a face to the name before a wind suddenly whipped up around them and an elderly looking man appeared in the middle of the room.

"Oh, I say!" said Phyllis. "Hello there. Could you do Madge and me a favour, and pop one of those seeds under the microscope?"

"Silence, cretin!" shouted Edward Kirillian.

"Well!" said Phyllis. "I never!"

"Kirillian!" said Egon. "So this is where you ended up!"

"Not exactly," said Kirillian, who when Egon - and indeed Eduardo - last saw him had ended up being sucked into a ghostly dimension by a device of his own creation, inspired by his megalomaniacal desire to be the master of everything supernatural. "But I couldn't stay where I was, so I managed to find my way here."

"Well… are you all right?" asked Egon. Whatever had happened since, this man was an old friend. "We're going to escape - you can come with us."

"Egon!" said Eduardo. "The guy's evil! He told that crazy lady upstairs to bring us here and make us play her stupid game!"

"He's absolutely right, Egon," said Edward. "I did. The dear lady wanted to trap me in her tower, just as she does with every unfortunate waif and stray that wanders in here. But I was able to charm her, to gain her trust - to _woo_ her. Once she and I had established a romantic relationship, much as it pained me - she has lipstick on her teeth, you know, and it's _purple_ - I persuaded her to let me have my freedom. Of course I said I'd stay with her most of the time, but I wanted to be able to visit friends in my own world."

"And why bring _us_ here?" asked Egon.

"I'm getting to that," said Kirillian. "There are two reasons, actually. One is that the repulsive lady made me promise to help her trap some unfortunates before she would do me any favours. And the other… well, I would have thought that was obvious."

"Indeed," said Egon. "You didn't learn from what happened to you the last time you tried to go ahead with your crackpot schemes. You want to do whatever it is you were planning before - summon a ghost army and take over the world, or something of that nature - and you want _us_ out of the way, because you know we'll stop you."

"_Try_ to stop me," said Kirillian. "You would not have succeeded twice, but nevertheless, you would have been a complication I did not need. You, boy." His eyes narrowed on Eduardo. "How I hoped you would be the one to escape the tower. She and I planned this game together, you know. I decided who would be the saboteur for each challenge. The one who isn't the saboteur always has a better chance of winning, you know. Your moronic friends made a terrible hash of sniffing out the saboteur a few times, but fortunately I got what I wanted."

"And what?" said Eduardo. "I would have just gone home and left them? Well…"

"Yes, perhaps I underestimated you," Kirillian admitted. "You never struck me as a thinker. I imagined you would do the most obvious thing, and assume you would find a way to rescue your friends once you had rescued yourself."

"No way, man. I would never have left her - um - them."

"Clearly not."

"You pretended to be my father!" Eduardo said angrily, balling his fists at his sides.

"Eduardo," hissed Egon. "Let's not get violent."

"Ah yes, indeed," said Kirillian, smiling sinisterly. "My dear, petulant youngest boy. Such a sore loser. That's what I told _her_, anyway. That is why you were asked more questions than your little girlfriend. That is why she had such a tough one, and yours were all so easy."

"Yeah, well, your evil plan didn't work," said Eduardo.

"Not quite as I expected," said Kirillian. "But this is so much better. Now you are _all_ trapped. Now you can't even contact Egon's old friends, those other Ghostbuster people, and make some futile attempt with _them_ to spoil my plans. Hmm… come to think of it, they might be a problem. But never mind! I still have that dreadful woman under my thumb, promising to let me go and _meaning it_! I can find three other saps to play the game with your predecessors, and have them all trapped here too!"

"Dude," Eduardo said coolly. "It's not too late. I can still save my friends. And as for your plans… y'know, for a genius, you're kinda dumb."

"How dare you!" bristled Kirillian. "Just for that, I'm going to go back upstairs and - "

"How did you get down here?"

"What?"

"You didn't have magical powers the last time I saw you," said Eduardo. "How did you get down here?"

"Well, she transported me."

"So you could do… what, exactly?"

"Tell you to stop making up stupid lies because you got cold feet," said Edward. "That's what I told her when she came to challenge me, and she still believes me."

"I can't believe you, man," said Eduardo. "Have you really forgotten that she can see everything you do, and hear everything you say?"

"You know what they say about a woman scorned, Edward," added Egon.

"TOO RIGHT!" The Voice suddenly yelled into all of their whisper clips, and Kirillian jumped a foot in the air. "Have you forgotten, Edward, that _I_ have the power here?"

"Darling!" squeaked Edward. "I… I didn't mean…"

"SILENCE!"

Another wind came up, and suddenly Kirillian was bound in rusty chains.

"You men are all the same!" roared The Voice. "Well, Edward, now I'm definitely not going to let you go! I'm going to think of something particularly _evil_ to do with you."

"Hey," said Eduardo. "What about us?"

"Oh, well," said The Voice. "I'll tell you what. If you can think of a suitable fate for this piece of… of… I'll let you go."

"All of us?"

"Yes, why not? You didn't _ask_ to come here, after all."

"Marvellous," said Egon. "While I'm thinking, ma'am, would you help me up to the sixth floor to collect Janine? And… Roland, obviously."

"Oh, very well," said The Voice, and with that Egon vanished.

"Wow," said Kirillian. "You're more powerful than I thought."

"Hey, lady," said Eduardo. "Could you open that trapdoor and let me down to the second floor? I thought maybe I could introduce Kirillian to that werewolf."

"Oh, what a marvellous idea!" The Voice cried gleefully.

The trapdoor opened, and Eduardo began frogmarching Kirillian towards it. He pushed him in, and then jumped down after him.

Garrett was, of course, still there, and so was the werewolf. As he climbed off Kirillian, Eduardo was greeted with the unexpected sight of Garrett reaching into the werewolf's mouth and pulling out a tooth. The werewolf gave a little grunt of relief.

"There, that's better, isn't it?" Garrett said soothingly. "I think I can see a _few_ more bad teeth in - oh, Eddie, hi. Did you escape?"

"Er, yeah."

"Cool. Come here - I finally figured it out. We know colour's irrelevant, right? But Kylie had to know which teeth to pull _somehow_, so I had a good look at the ones in the kidney bowl, and then I got it. The ones with two points are the good ones!"

"Oh, I see," said Eduardo, peering into the werewolf's open mouth. "Well, there's a few bad ones left in there. Would you like me to give you a hand?"

"Sure," said Garrett. "Hey, who's that guy in chains?"

"Huh? Oh, that's Edward Kirillian."

"_What_?" Garrett whipped his head round to get a closer look at the figure on the floor.

"Okay," said Eduardo, pulling a one-pointed tooth out of the werewolf's mouth, "they're nearly all out now. Listen, I'm sorry about all those good teeth we pulled earlier."

The werewolf moved his head around, and gave a grunt.

"I _never_," Eduardo went on, easing out the last bad tooth, which was as white as snow, "would have noticed the double points. Well… maybe if I had a bit more time, like you."

"What's Kirillian doing here?" asked Garrett.

"He's the reason why we're here. He's been making The Voice believe he loved her."

"No! The rat!"

"Yeah," said Eduardo. "So, werewolf dude… you like rats?"

"W-what?" said Kirillian.

"What say we let him out of here?" Eduardo said to Garrett. "All of his bad teeth are out now. I bet they've been hurting him too much to eat - haven't they, pal?"

The werewolf grunted loudly, and nodded his head.

"Eddie," Garrett said quietly, pulling Eduardo to one side. "Is this a good idea?"

"He trusts us now," said Eduardo. "We pulled out all his bad teeth."

"Well yeah, but…"

"I won't let him hurt you," said The Voice.

"You can control it?" Eduardo asked quietly.

"Of course I can."

"Cool. Hey, what's Egon doing?"

"I've slowed time for him and the others," said The Voice. "I want to see this."

Garrett still looked dubious, but Eduardo strode purposefully over to the werewolf and began undoing the metal brace on his mouth. He then pulled away the bloodied sheet to reveal a brown, hairy face every bit as vicious looking as the savage jaws suggested.

"No!" wailed Kirillian. "No, _please_!"

"Wolfy!" said The Voice. "Kill!"

The werewolf leapt off the dentist's chair and began running for Kirillian, his huge jaws wide open and salivating profusely. Kirillian screamed loudly, and peed himself quietly. The werewolf was almost upon him when Eduardo suddenly shouted, "Wait!"

The werewolf stopped, and looked round at him quizzically.

"Since when do you have total command over savage werewolves?" asked Garrett.

"I think The Voice stopped him," said Eduardo. Then he looked at the ceiling. "Right?"

"Yes," said The Voice, "I did. I thought perhaps you'd had a better idea."

"I do," said Eduardo. "Actually, I just remembered: we don't kill people. Do you?"

"Well," said The Voice, "not as a general rule. But after what he did to me…"

"Oh, I know," Eduardo said sympathetically. "Which is why I think death is too good for him, don't you? I mean, giving him a scare like that was a great idea, but then what? Sure, it would be a painful death, but it would be quick. He wouldn't suffer _much_."

"He's right, y'know," said Garrett, not a hundred percent sure what was going on, but helping The Voice to get revenge on the man who had deceived her seemed a good way to try and escape the tower. "There's got to be a fate worse than death in this place."

"Yes, plenty," said The Voice. "Any fate that I devise."

"Let him help you trap unfortunates," said Eduardo. "He could be the amusing character in one of your little challenges. I mean, look at our friend the werewolf. You had us ripping good teeth out of his head. Surely you could think of something just as painful for lover boy here."

"Or maybe _more _painful," Garrett added brightly.

"Hmm…" said The Voice. "Yes, you make a good point. Still, it's very vague, isn't it? Perhaps you should think of something more specific before I let you go."

"You're demanding, aren't you?" said Garrett. "Look, why don't you ask Janine? She's a woman of a certain age - I'm sure she can think of _loads_ of things she'd like to do to some of her ex-boyfriends."

"Yes, all right," said The Voice. "You are a team, after all. Well played, by the way. Excellent sabotage. Garrett, I have never seen such success in Freaky Factory. Mind you, Egon was a bit rubbish at sabotaging Feed Me Lies, wasn't he?"

"Was it Kirillian's idea for him to be the saboteur?" Eduardo said dryly.

"Yes, actually. Ah," said The Voice, as Egon, Roland and Janine descended through the trapdoor. "Janine, I assume Egon has filled you in?"

"Er, yeah," said Janine.

"Excellent. I have decided to make Edward the thing that unfortunates have to _do_ something to in one of my games. Something _painful_. Have you any ideas?"

"Oh, yeah, plenty," said Janine. "Hey, is that werewolf supposed to be loose?"

"He won't harm you," said The Voice. "Not unless I tell him to. Now then, Janine, those ideas we were discussing…?"

"Well," said Janine, "I'd rather not say in front of all these guys, if you get my drift."

"Very well," said The Voice. "Egon, Eduardo, Roland, Garrett - you may descend to the next floor and tell Kylie the good news. Eduardo, I know you still have the key to the tower. Keep hold of it. You may take all your friends and go when I send Janine down."

The four men made their way towards the open trapdoor. Garrett turned before he descended, and gave a little wave to the werewolf.

"Edward," said The Voice. "How do you feel about being trapped?"

"I'll get out of here, you crazy bitch!" yelled Kirillian.

"Poor, unfortunate Edward," said The Voice. "You're trapped!"

.-.-.-.

Kylie, sitting on the trapdoor, gave a gasp of surprise and shuffled out of the way as Roland, Eduardo and then Egon appeared and threatened to fall on her. Garrett's wheelchair came next, and they all had to scramble out of its way.

"What's going on?" asked Kylie.

"We're free to go," Eduardo said smugly, taking the key out of his pocket and twirling it on his forefinger.

"Don't do that." Kylie grabbed his wrist, and the key swung to a halt. "We do _not_ want to lose it now. So, you mean you… you did it?"

"Don't sound so surprised," said Eduardo. "I promised you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, well… where's Janine?"

"She'll be down in a minute," said Roland. "_Hopefully_."

"I don't think The Voice'll go back on her word," said Eduardo. "Or she better not, anyway, after all the trouble I went to."

"And what do you propose to do about it?" The Voice asked menacingly.

"Um… nothing?"

"Too right. Janine is just coming. There," as Janine joined them via the trapdoor above them. "Now all of you, take the key and leave the tower. Before I change my mind."

.-.-.-.

The path to the firehouse was just as Eduardo had left it, and they all began making their way eagerly towards the familiar sight.

"Hey, look," said Garrett, when they were just inches away from home. "It's that kid with some more unfortunates."

"They're just kids," said Roland, squinting at Wiley Sneak's boat as it approached the shoreline. "Are five of them really going to be trapped in this place forever?"

"Well," said Egon, "I think it's worth pointing out that we didn't actually see any other trapped children, apart from the boy who brought us, and he looks rather as though he could be an actor trying to get a part in a teen soap opera, or something of that nature. I must say, this whole thing did have something of a game show feel about it."

"Yeah," said Kylie, "but it was real. She obviously had no intention of letting us go."

"That werewolf was real all right," said Garrett. "If it was just a show, they could easily have made some kind of mechanical werewolf for that game, but there was nothing mechanical about it."

"And," said Roland, "if it was just a show, we would not be about to walk through a magic portal. We'd be leaving a TV studio and catching a train home."

"_And_," said Eduardo, "Edward Kirillian wouldn't have brought us here in the first place."

"All very good points," said Egon, "and all quite true. This is an intriguing place altogether. That voice at the beginning _did _introduce us as though to a TV audience."

"It _is_ sometimes on TV," said Eduardo. "I don't know if anyone watched _us_, but that guy - the Caretaker - I talked to him, and he told me. If you _want_ to come here, you have to say Wiley Sneak to your TV three times."

"Well," said Egon, "it all seems very sinister. I don't like to leave those children…"

"We have to," Eduardo said quickly. "The Voice let us go. She let _me_ go twice, and she won't do it again. Come on."

He took the last few steps back to the firehouse, and the others all followed, leaving Wiley Sneak to load the next group of unfortunates into the cage.

THE END


End file.
